Coming Home
by Christine34
Summary: When Amanda is released from captivity as a hostage Sarek helps her to recover from the events. Still in progress, but nearly finished. A lot of thanks go to Selek who always takes the time to help me
1. Coming Home

Disclaimer: Star Trek and the characters are not mine …

Author: Christine Goers (christine.goersgmx.de)

Rating: PG

Genre: General

Special thanks go to:

Saidicam for asking for an English version

T´Sia for giving me a first feedback and gently prompting me to contact Selek

Selek for beta- reading the translation. His corrections and annotations have been extremely helpful!

Coming Home 

When the secretary came into his office, Sarek looked up sharply and raised an eyebrow.

The younger Vulcan nodded as if anticipating his superior's next question. In fact, there was little doubt about it: many people had been asking for the same information all day long and sometimes at the oddest of times. "Yes, sir. The hostages have been released and are due to arrive this evening. We have not been given detailed information yet, but obviously nobody has been injured seriously."

A barely perceptible expression of relief crossed Sarek´s face. In the blink of an eye, he had re-established his iron control. His voice sounded perfectly calm and emotionless when he thanked his attaché and dismissed him.

On same evening, the Vulcan ambassador and most of his co-workers were waiting in the Embassy's large entrance hall. Sarek´s stance was the usual one – standing very upright, his arms clasped behind his back, his face's expression seemingly craved in stone, not betraying a hint of what he might be thinking or feeling. When Starfleet security guided the hostages in, Sarek was the first one to approach the group. He took his time; he spoke with everyone, albeit briefly, but nevertheless reassuringly and not without a certain warmth. He found the appropriate words with an amazing ease and remained completely unaffected by the gradually rising unrest.

Later, even those who had initially been against someone as young as Sarek being appointed ambassador would admit that it had been the right decision. Only someone observing him closely and knowing him well might have caught the impression that the diplomat was expecting someone special. His gaze wandered around searchingly and came to rest upon a young human female. Standing apart, she seemed to feel a little lost. Determined, but still without any precipitance Sarek slowly made his way through the crowd. Only when he had nearly reached her, she looked up briefly. The dark rings under her eyes made her graceful face appear worn and nearly as white as snow. Hesitating, she took a few steps towards him. Her movements were rigid and wooden as if she was in shock. Finally, the two of them were facing each other.

"Amanda." His black eyes held the slightest hint of a smile. Obviously deeply moved, the young woman nodded. Tears were gathering in her eyes. "I am pleased to see you unharmed." Sarek kept his voice low; this conversation was not meant to be overheard. Amanda Grayson merely inclined her head, not trusting her voice to be steady. She struggled to keep the tears in check.

Sarek watched her attentively, his head bent to one side. As if on impulse he took another step towards her. And then it happened – suddenly but not totally unexpectedly. Knowing Amanda and her rather informal way of addressing people – even the Vulcan ambassador himself – nobody was too surprised to see her flinging her arms around Sarek.

What did come as a surprise was Sarek's reaction. At first, he gently took hold of her shoulders and started to ease her away after a short moment. However, as soon as he realised that she was weeping and shaking like the proverbial leaf, he tightened his arms around her, pulling her into a close and tight embrace. For the moment everything else had lost its meaning.

Still sobbing, Amanda buried her face against his chest. "Oh, my God, Sarek. I thought it would never end. I was so afraid that I'd never see you again."

Soothingly Sarek caressed her back and her long hair, resting his chin on her head. "I am honoured by your sentiment, Amanda. I, too, am gratified by your presence."

They stood like this for what seemed an eternity, but in reality, was merely a few minutes. Finally, Amanda drew a shuddering breath and straightened her slim figure. With red-rimmed eyes she looked up. "I'm sorry, Sarek. I never meant to embarrass you." Although her face crimsoned into a very bright red and she would not meet Sarek's eyes, she could not suppress a shy grin.

The Vulcan ambassador permitted himself a nearly invisible smile. "You did not, Amanda. And even if you did, it would have been the first time you actually apologized for doing so."

Amanda looked up, suddenly alarmed and self-conscious. Relieved she noticed the amused sparkle in his dark eyes. She shrugged her shoulders. "You're right."

Sarek seemed to have given a sign by releasing the young linguist completely. Everyone had stood literally stunned by the scene enfolding before them. Now they moved again; discussions were started anew. With everybody minding their own business, the two of them were no longer the centre of general interest.

"You seem to be greatly fatigued. Would you like to go home?" Sarek placed his hand under the young linguist's elbow as she swayed on her feet.

It became clear from her vacant expression that she had not understood a single word. In an attempt to clear it, Amanda shook her head, a course of action she regretted instantly. Literally all colour drained from her face. She looked as if she would faint any moment.

"Amanda!" Sarek raised his voice. He was surprised when Amanda flinched and tried to stumble backwards. Instinctively he tightened his grip on her to prevent her from falling. When Amanda grimaced as if in pain, Sarek shifted his hold on her arm. He looked at her. "Are you injured?"

She shook her head.

Somehow, he was not surprised at her denial. "Amanda…" Even though he did not raise his voice this time, his tone held the hint of a warning. He could tell she was not being quite truthful.

Sighing, the linguist forced herself to smile. "I'm fine, Sarek. It's nothing serious. Really. No need to worry."

"Very well, if you say so, Amanda. But in any case you are tired and should be in bed. Come, I will drive you home."

Without any word of resistance, Amanda let Sarek manoeuvre her to the exit. In passing Sarek motioned for his aide to join them.

The elder Vulcan approached them and inclined his head. "Dr. Grayson, it is most fortunate to have you with us again. Ambassador, you wished to speak to me?" The elder Vulcan watched the unlikely pair with reserved curiosity. Having spent most of his life on Earth and among humans, Seluhr did not fit into the picture of a typical Vulcan anymore. Due to his – according to Vulcan standards – ever cheerful and cordial behaviour, he was often frowned upon.

Sarek himself, however, owed him a debt of gratitude for his vast amount of knowledge concerning humans and saw much of a mentor in him. That might be the reason why he answered in much more detail than he would have done normally. "Dr. Grayson is exhausted. I will drive her home and will not return tonight. I trust you will attend to all matters."

Seluhr bowed his head. "I will see to it. Ambassador, Dr. Grayson." With that, he turned on his heel.

Amanda could not stop herself from sighing as she sunk deep into the passenger seat of Sarek´s car. Before closing her door, Sarek studied her for a moment. She was still trembling from head to toe. After a moment's hesitation he took off his heavy outer robes and spread them over her. When he moved to brush a loose strain of her hair from her face, Amanda flinched backwards rather violently. Sarek raised an eyebrow, but Amanda dropped her gaze and refused to meet his eyes. The diplomat knew her far too long and far too well to insist on an answer. He straightened and closed the passenger door. Then he got into the car and started the engine. Occasionally he cast a glance at the young woman; there was something amiss, he was sure about it. But for the moment he decided to let the matter rest and concentrated on the road before him. Later this evening, there would be plenty of time to find out.

When he stopped the car in front of Amanda's flat half an hour later, he smiled inwardly. The young woman was fast asleep, not even stirring as he switched off the engine. He touched her shoulder and gave it a gentle shake. "Amanda, time to wake up."

Whatever he might have expected, he was unprepared for the young linguist to cringe from him in fear. Her eyes were starring unseeingly; she was not aware of her surroundings.

Sarek acted intuitively by taking her small hands in his. "Amanda, calm down. You are safe here. No one is doing you any harm. Amanda." He repeated her name again and again. Quietly and calmly. Slowly her breath evened out; gradually she regained some self-control. She gave his hands a squeeze.

"I do not like the prospect of you being alone in this condition. Please permit me to stay with you for a while." He had already intended to do so when he spoke to his aide. Surprisingly, Amanda had not commented on his remark, but he simply assumed she had been too exhausted to notice.

By now, however, she was wide awake. Sarek prepared himself for a somewhat lengthy argument. And indeed the young woman was eying her companion suspiciously and sternly, but when she answered, a smile curved the corners of her mouth upwards. "You are not presenting me with a choice, are you?"

Matching her tone, Sarek responded. "No. Did you anticipate that I would?"

Too tired to argue, Amanda gestured for the Vulcan to follow her.

Sarek raised an eyebrow. He had not expected her to comply that easily. The young linguist's reaction – or lack thereof – confirmed his suspicion; there was something wrong. He fell in behind her, remaining close enough to steady her, but far enough to notice that every movement was causing her a great deal of pain. At her front door, Amanda stopped dead in her tracks. "I've lost my key." For the second time this evening she was close to tears. Her breath came in shallow, irregular gasps.

"I still have your spare, Amanda. There is no need to become agitated."

Earlier this summer, when she had gone to visit some friends, she had provided Sarek with a key to her flat. She had made Sarek promise to look after her plants. Being descended from a desert world he was not the ideal choice for that task. When he had said so, Amanda had smiled broadly at him, stating she had the utmost trust in his ability to take care of her plants. Sarek never told her of his odyssey from one florist to another to replace a particularly rare – and he might add, expensive – arrangement of flowers the afternoon before she returned. For some reason or other, she had never claimed the spare back.

Stubbornly she shook her head. Again, she was trembling all over. Panic had entered her voice. "No, you don't understand. If someone found it..." Her voice broke.

Sarek narrowed his eyes. Now he was beginning to understand. Cautiously as not to startle her again, he put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. He saw no use in maintaining his usual mask of rigid and strict control. Not after today's events. "If you wish it, I can stay with you for the night, and I will arrange for your door lock being changed first thing in the morning."

The ambassador opened the door and led the young woman into the kitchen. Obediently she sat on the chair he pulled from the table. Her thoughts had become a disorganized mess. She was only dimly aware of Sarek making tea and talking to her. She briefly wondered if he expected her to respond, but decided against it. She was so tired and so cold. Out of the blue, a steaming mug of green tea appeared in front of her. Moments later she heard him pull out a chair for himself.

The tea was hot and very sweet. Amanda smiled. It was a rare occasion that Sarek did not comment on her free use of sugar without lecturing her on it being a "refined poison". Slowly she could feel her senses return. The world regained structure and she no longer felt disconnected. Although she sensed Sarek contemplating her, she did not manage to return his gaze. Amanda Grayson was well aware of how precisely Sarek tended to observe and of how inevitably precise his conclusions tended to be. Finally, she gathered all her strength and said, "We both know what you're going to ask, don't we?"

With his characteristic non-smile Sarek nodded. But even as he answered, his tone became grave and urgent. "And we are both aware that you will respond, 'I'm fine, don't bother.' Amanda, I can see that you can hardly move because you are in considerable distress. As you are afraid of anyone touching you, it is logical to conclude that you have been mishandled. Let me treat the injuries." Neither a question nor a request, just a simple statement.

Incapable of speaking Amanda nodded and struggled to stand, but her legs would not support her. Carefully Sarek put an arm around her and half carried her to the bathroom.

Amanda swallowed as Sarek helped her undress. She kept her eyes firmly closed. The small amount of self-control she had been able to muster vanished into thin air at the prospect of Sarek seeing her in her misery. During the past few days, she had had plenty of time to think about what happened. Perhaps it would have been wiser to stay put and silent, not to argue, but to comply. Perhaps controlling her temper might have spared her a lot of trouble. What would Sarek think of it? Would he believe she had gotten what she deserved? Would he dare voice it aloud?

For a short moment, he tried to see the Amanda Grayson he used to know in this scared young woman before him – and failed. He held Amanda in the highest esteem for numerous reasons, not the least because she was always willing to say and do what she thought best. She had occasionally embarrassed and sometimes irritated him by her bluntness. In the long run Sarek had grown accustomed to Amanda telling him in no uncertain words why, for example, some part of a trading contract wouldn't work. The first time she had done so, his aides had stood in stunned silence. No one dared to contradict the ambassador, not in public, and not like this. But she had been right and frequently her point of view proved to be inspiring and refreshing. Although Sarek would never admit it, he felt quite – the human word would be comfortable – in her presence. Even among his own people, there were only a very few that understood him so well. It took a while until Sarek felt comfortable with Amanda reading him so effortlessly no matter how hard he tried to conceal his thoughts or feelings. Meanwhile he had come to appreciate it. No need to explain himself, no need to play a role. And Sarek wanted to believe it worked in reverse as well.

The Vulcan ambassador paled on seeing the numerous bruises and cuts on her back. Fortunately, none of them seemed to be serious. "Amanda? Please turn around." Sarek's voice was barely audible; he sounded strained. He rested his hand ever so lightly on her shoulder.

Almost in slow motion, Amanda followed his request. She dared open her eyes. To her utter astonishment, the ambassador was nearly as embarrassed as she was. Not too long ago, it would have been a welcome reason to tease him. Those times were gone.

Sarek rubbed his chin. "Who did this to you?" He had no memory of having been this angry before. As a Vulcan he was supposed to have a tight reign on his emotions, but this time he found his logic and control failing him miserably. He saw the blue marks on Amanda's upper arms, the ones on her thighs and suddenly feared for the worst. May Surak forbid him from ever laying his hands on the one responsible for this.

"I don't know. They were wearing masks and never spoke."

"Is that all?" Still the same ice-cold rage in his voice, mixed with distaste and something she could not decipher.

Amanda never had seen him – the stoic Vulcan – like this. An aura of barely controlled wrath surrounded him, his voice full of anger. For the first time she acknowledged he might be not a pleasant man to cross. It was ridiculous; she knew Sarek would never hurt her. But she could not help it. Instinctively she stepped backwards. "I´m sorry. I wish I could be more helpful."

On noticing the effect his harsh reaction had on Amanda, Sarek immediately regained his self-control. "I apologize. My tone was uncalled for. Obviously I was expressing myself imprecisely. I was asking if they …" Sarek was, for once, at a loss for words. His black eyes remained locked on hers. Now she could read the pain he felt for her clearly written in them. "Have you been... Did anyone force himself on you?"

Amanda shook her head vehemently, the lump in her throat to big to speak.

Sarek released a breath he did not realise he was holding. "I will finish as quickly as I can, then you should go to bed. You require rest."

The young woman grinned sheepishly. "Do you want to order me around for the rest of my life?" All the tension left her body; she felt her knees giving away.

Sarek looked at her, an amused twinkle in his eyes. "Only until you have sufficiently rested and are capable of standing unaided." He took hold of her arm and sat her on the edge of the tub. He worked briskly on her wounds using a regenerator.

A few minutes later, he was done. Amanda sighed; most of the pain was gone. For the first time in days, she was able to move without wincing. But all of a sudden she was literally dead on her feet. With a huge effort, she stood up to dress.

Sarek, observing her quietly, placed a guiding hand under her elbow to prevent her from tumbling over. "I will attend you in thirty minutes. By then you should be in your bed, sleeping."

Amanda raised a questioning eyebrow, mischief written clearly in her eyes. Apparently, she felt well enough to argue. "I seem to remember you more charming."

Sarek straightened his already tall form. The effect was almost palpable; it was not any longer just Sarek standing beside her, but Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan himself, the personification of dignity. "I have been informed that I _am_ charming. Incredibly charming in fact. Now, to bed."

The young linguist rolled her eyes. "Incredibly charming indeed", she muttered laconically, but surrendered to her fate nevertheless. At some point during the last hour, they had re-discovered their normal manner of conversation: trusted, straightforward, and without any room for misinterpretation. Both of them appreciated it.

About half an hour later, Sarek entered Amanda's bedroom. The young woman had changed into some pyjamas, but sat on the edge of her bed, unmoving and stiff, staring into empty space. If she noticed Sarek, she did not react.

Sarek watched her intently. "Amanda, it is illogical for you to sit like this all night long. You require rest immediately." Sarek kept his voice calm, his tone light, veiling his concern.

Nothing. Amanda had once again retreated into herself.

"Amanda," Sarek said, softly touching her shoulder.

Wearily she moved to stand. "I guess you're annoyingly right as usual, Sarek. I can't remember when I last slept. Does your offer still stand?" She sounded utterly calm and composed, but Sarek recognised a hint of fright in her voice. Tears were welling in her eyes, but she simply refused to let them fall.

"Of course. You can rest reassured. No one will harm you."

At his kindness, something in her gave away. The tears she had managed to keep in check were threatening to spill over. The first one rolled down her face, then the second. She could neither muster the strength nor the ability to collect herself. "I'm sorry, Sarek. I vowed to myself not to cry in front of you. Not again."

"The cause is sufficient. Now go to sleep. I shan't be far." Sarek pulled back the covers and helped her lie down. He sat next to her, righting the blankets.

The young woman looked almost pleadingly at him. "Sarek, would you mind terribly..." She cast her eyes downwards, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She bit her lip, not sure if she should continue. At Sarek's nod, she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. Sarek had to lean forward to hear what she was saying. "Pardon me for intruding again, and if you feel offended, please just forget about it. But could you just hold me for a while? Only for a short moment, till I'm asleep."

For the first time in his entire life, the formal diplomat did not bother to hide his smile, nor did he feel the need to do so. "One of these days..." he murmured. But then, with a gesture of his hand, he motioned for Amanda to move over a bit and lay down next to her. At first he held her awkwardly; and yet, when her regular breaths indicated she was asleep, he remained at her side. Only a few moments later the Vulcan himself was slumbering soundly.


	2. Next Morning

Disclaimer: see part 1

AN: The story is still not completed, but I do hope that it won't take long. Thank you for reading and giving me feedback :) And very special thanks go again to Selek who took the time to do the the beta-reading.

Have fun! LLAP

* * *

When Sarek next woke, several hours had passed, turning late night into a not so early morning.

The tall Vulcan drifted slowly towards awakening, which was a rare occasion in itself given his usual habit of altering between deep slumber and full awareness effortlessly. While he permitted himself to linger on the edge of sleep, Sarek realised he had slept soundly through his morning meditation – something that had not happened in many years, not since he had completed his kahs-wan.

Sarek tried to recall which appointments he had missed so far, but as hard as he struggled to reconstruct today's schedule, he was unable to remember any meeting. Very strange indeed but it would explain why no one had tried to rouse him via intercom.

Or had he been exhausted enough to simply overhear the buzz?No, most definitively not.Neither an appointment nor a call via intercom, Sarek was certain in both respects. But why?

A thought began to formulate on the edge of his consciousness: _Sunday. Today had to be Sunday. The only logical alternative._

Although he had been in his current position for a couple of years - and had been in contact with Humans considerably longer – the ambassador still had not mastered the concept of Sunday. A waste of valuable time. He vividly recalled his irritation when he had been refused an essential symposium with the explanation that it would fall on Sunday. When he had asked his Human counterpart to elaborate, his puzzlement had grown. Religious tradition,he had been toldThe creation of the world in seven days. He surely would understand…

Frankly, he had not. Until then – and even up to present time – none of the Humans he had met so far had struck him as being outspokenly religious. Local churches were only marginally frequented, in contrast to the urban cafés and leisure centres. There was such a large variety of religions on this small planet, only some of which believed that the world was created in seven days.

Sarek decided he was far too tired to be concerned with this Human strangeness. Any other day perhaps. But as for today he would indulge in the luxury of two or three hours of additional sleep. Sometimes it was easier to accept some of the Human inconsistencies as a given fact. When Sarek tried to turn over to ease himself into a somewhat more comfortable position, a heavy weight pinned down his right arm, efficiently immobilising him. Suddenly the ambassador realised that he was not alone; that someone was laying next to him.

The jolt of someone sneaking into the ambassador's private chambers, not only bypassing security, but even moving around unnoticed by himself – shocked Sarek into awareness.

His usual self-control kept him from sitting up, thus giving away the fact that he was alert to the intruder's presence. The tall Vulcan forced his eyes shut, using every ounce of his bio-control to keep his breathing steady and his heart rate even. The longer he was assumed to be asleep, the longer he had to think about how to proceed.

A tiny part of his consciousness briefly wondered if his prior disorientation was due to some kind of drug rather than to him being exhausted. Unimportant – at least for the moment.Sarek considered his options. The coolness of the body as well as the regular breathing next to him led him to assume that the trespasser was Human and soundly asleep. Excellent! If the Vulcan acted quickly, he should be able to overwhelm the intruder with a nerve pinch and contact security.

Having decided on his course of action, Sarek dared to open his eyes and take in his surroundings. His earlier shock was nothing compared to the panic which threatened to overwhelm him now – he was neither in his bed nor was this his room. Struggling to quell the most Unvulcan sense of fear he stared uncomprehendingly at the young woman laying curled up next to him: Amanda Grayson. Slowly, very slowly yesterday's events came floating back to his mind. Mild bemusement grew in him. He must have been more exhausted than he had realised.

With his typical non-smile that he had reserved for her alone he studied Amanda's face. The young linguist looked certainly much healthier than she had mere hours before. The dark circles around her eyes had vanished almost completely overnight, a slight shade of colour had returned to her face. The uncharacteristic nervousness and tension that had dominated her body language the evening before had vanished. In her sleep she appeared relaxed and peaceful.

Sunday or not, now that he was fully awake, Sarek acknowledged he had pressing matters to attend to. Even if the rest of this planet's population decided to pursue idle matters of no importance, the Vulcan ambassador simply could not afford to do likewise. Having been preoccupied with the hostage situation the week before, and with the trade conference with Andoria in the near future, it was a formidable workload he was facing. Sighing to himself, Sarek summoned the will to sit up.

Just before he did so, he stilled his movements. It would be unnecessary to startle Amanda. Any sleep she could get would do her good. If he was careful in extracting his arm from under her head, she should not be disturbed at all. Best to support her head with his free hand and then gently put it back on the pillow.Manoeuvring himself into the proper position – half leaning over her in the process – Sarek firmly but carefully grasped her head and started to slide his arm out.

It was exactly this moment when Amanda's eyes snapped open. For a fleeting instance her gaze was still unfocused and heavy with sleep; but then, in a much shorter time than the Vulcan had ever thought possible, Amanda was wide awake. With a sharp gasp she tried to pull away from his grasp, fighting him with all her strength. Once again all colour had drained from her face, her breath hitched in irregular gasps, tears formed in her eyes. Sarek dared not to release her, fearing she would hurt herself by colliding with the headboard or simply falling out of the bed in her panic to get away from him.

"Amanda. Lie still. I will not harm you. Calm down." As he had done before, the diplomat tried to reach her by addressing her in a low voice.

Finally she stopped struggling, but Sarek was not sure whether it was a good or a bad thing. Her whole body remained rigid and tense; her eyes were staring far ahead.

"Please, not again. I don't know anything. Just don't."

Sarek's breath caught in his throat. He mentally berated himself for not having been more careful. Judging by her reactions, both yesterday in his flitter and just now, she was dealing with the past traumas in her sleep. This apparently led her to experience intense flashbacks upon wakening. Great diplomat that made him, he who he always prided himself in understanding the basics of Human reactions. Gently he touched her arm with his fingertips, soothing her with his touch as he had done before. "Amanda."

Suddenly she shuddered in his hold, shaking her head and drawing a few deep breaths. So quickly her emotional control was established that even the Vulcan was amazed. Her smile seemed a little bit forced though. "I'm sorry, Sarek. I didn't mean to startle you. But it was quite a fright you gave me. Next time, be more careful when waking an innocent girl, will you?"

Sarek held her gaze a moment longer than was strictly necessary. He was not totally convinced that there was not more to this whole affair. But in the end he thought it best to leave it alone for while. He solemnly nodded. "Of course. Perhaps it would be advantageous if I took some lessons to prepare me accordingly for the next time we spend a night together."

The words had left his mouth before he actually realised what he was implying. But then again, Amanda always had a way of keeping him off guard. This time though the joke was entirely on her. Sarek observed with interest the deep blush colouring her cheeks.

"Sarek, I know I have violated your rule of not touching and not being touched. More than once. And I perhaps I should say I'm sorry. But truth be told, I'm not. Your presence has been a great comfort. I just hope I haven't offended you."

This time her smile was timid, but genuine, reaching her eyes and illuminating her face. Sarek found himself marvelling at the intensity of her eyes' colour. "I assure you there is no offence taken. I am pleased to have been of service."

Sarek had not expected his voice to sound so husky. Hastily he cleared his throat as if to add something, but all words were erased from his mind. Their gazes locked again. Against his will, Sarek lost himself in her sapphire-blue eyes.

Amanda, on the other hand, felt as if she were drowning in the depth of his black eyes. All her wishes, hopes and fears seemed to be revealed under his gaze; but, strangely enough, she did not mind in the least.

With their faces only inches apart, Amanda briefly wondered what his lips would feel like on her skin. She felt his breath – so much warmer than a Human's - on her cheeks. She moved closer still, parting her lips. Then her common sense kicked in, causing her to pull back a fraction. _For Heaven's sake, Amanda! Get a grip on yourself. He is a Vulcan. He will neither kiss you nor will he confess his undying love for you. Be content with what he offers you – his friendship. And do not hope for more. _

It was a mantra she had found herself repeating quite often in the past few weeks. She could not say when caring for the reserved Vulcan as friend had turned into loving him. But she was sure of one thing: that she valued his friendship too high to risk it by acting on her feelings. Even though she savoured their physical closeness, she felt the need to navigate in safer waters. Hating herself for spoiling the moment, she searched for her voice. "How about breakfast? I'm starved. And with a little bit of luck, I can trick the replicator into synthesising some of that green stuff you enjoy so much." Amanda waited for him to take her up on her offer, thus breaking the physical contact, but surprisingly he took his time to answer.

In a daze, Sarek regarded the woman before him. It took him a moment to realise that she had spoken to him. He forced his brain to process her words and come up with an answer. Meanwhile, he dragged his thoughts away from the coolness of her skin under his fingers, away from the softness of her lips – what they would taste like?His Vulcan upbringing demanded that he pull away, breaking the contact and restoring the proper distance; but for once, he found it hard to do. He had erected his strongest mental shields in order to shut her thoughts and feelings off, thus respecting her privacy, but despite all of this, her mental presence was still a background whisper in his thoughts. He felt alone when he released her. "Pray do proceed; however, I need to remind you, that I do not enjoy food. It is a simple necessity," he said finally.

Amanda smirked. "Yeah, right. I simply forgot."

Surprised, the Vulcan watched her stand up, grab her bathrobe from where it hung over a chair and pull it close around her.Amanda Grayson dismissing an opportunity to tease him?Before Sarek had decided whether he should worry or credit himself a point for once winning a sparring match with her, Amanda chuckled.

"But Chinese food is almost certainly excluded, isn't it?" Without giving him a chance to reply she left the room, closing the door behind her.


	3. Interlude

While Amanda busied herself preparing breakfast, Sarek took a shower and changed into fresh robes. Allowing himself a short moment of self-indulgence, Sarek congratulated himself for always keeping a set of spare clothes in the back of his flitter. Since being appointed ambassador unexpected trips had become pretty much part of his usual routine. And whenever particularly strenuous negotiations forced him to extend his stay overnight, Sarek prided himself in always appearing well dressed the next morning. He remembered Amanda once commenting on this fact calling it psychological warfare. When he had tried to explain to her that he was a diplomat not a warlord, she had just laughed.

"And yet, _Sarek towering _over your bleary-eyed and worn-out opponents, neatly dressed as if coming from a tailor, surely gives you some advantage."

They ate their breakfast in companionable silence. Their friendship, even though seldom referred to explicitly, had long outgrown the need for words. Finally Sarek indicated that it was time for him to be heading back to the embassy. Amanda rose as well and walked him to the door.

"Sarek. I really meant what I said. I am more grateful for you being here than I can ever put into words." She saw his customary retort in his eyes, but before he could voice it aloud, Amanda held up a hand. "No, please don't. Don't attribute it to some kind of logic only you can understand. Just let me say it. I am deeply indebted to you, my friend."

Sarek bowed to her, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Very well, Amanda. As I said before, it is time for me to return to the embassy. I trust all is well with you?"

At her nod of confirmation, he turned around only to stop in mid motion as if stuck by a sudden thought. He faced the young woman leaning in the doorframe. His expression was carefully guarded, only the slightest hint of concern entered his tone. "Amanda, should you find you require the assistance of a friend then you must not hesitate to contact me."

Amanda found herself bereft of speech. It was already a few months that she and Sarek had taken to seeing each other in private. And while the reserved Vulcan always found some way of making her feel cared for –whether it was by simply inviting her for a cup of tea or by even putting up with her nervous breakdown the evening before – it was a rare occasion that he allowed himself to make a verbal reference. She barely managed a nod.


	4. Starfleet

The next week was a busy one for the Vulcan ambassador. Important parts of his work had been neglected due to the latest crisis. And, while at that time it could not have been helped, Sarek now took to working day and night to complete his enormous workload.

As he had expected her to, Amanda Grayson returned to work on Monday as if nothing had happened. He remembered Seluhr commenting on it being too early, but by an unspoken agreement, neither the elderly Vulcan nor Sarek had mentioned it to the young linguist, for Amanda's temper was exceedingly easily ignited. In retrospect, Sarek realised he had missed the first signs that Amanda was still suffering from severe after-effects of her abduction. With the subtleties of Human body language often being a closed book to him they simply eluded his notice.

He saw very little of her during those days, but judging from his own workload, he accepted without question her claim of having no time to go to lunch or to join him for a cup of tea in the evening. The reports from the linguistic department, arriving in his office along with all others, were flawless as usual.

The first distinct indication that something was wrong with Amanda was at the beginning of the following week during the monthly meeting of the department heads. When Amanda entered the conference room, being nearly ten minutes late, Sarek was taken aback by how worn out and overtired the young woman looked. He dismissed her with a wave of his hand, watching her as she made her way to her seat.

Her report was short and factual as usual; the preparations for the upcoming conferences were proceeding as smoothly as they could. As the meeting progressed, the ambassador found his gaze often wandering in her direction. When he noticed she had fallen asleep in her chair, Sarek felt the pieces falling together forming an alarming picture; the excuses she had made to avoid him, her quick temper, and her exhaustion. Worried about her and determined not to be refused today, Sarek intended on taking her for lunch.

When he was about to approach her after the meeting, Sehlur stepped to his side. He quietly informed him that Starfleet's Chief of Security had demanded a top-priority meeting with him.

Knowing Commander Patterson, Sarek had no doubt that the matter the Human wished to see him about was indeed of the utmost importance. Somehow Sarek had the suspicion that it was connected with the hostage taking, therefore the Vulcan wasted no time in going to Starfleet headquarters.

They had first met shortly after Sarek had come to Earth. Charlie Patterson had just graduated from the academy and seemed to fulfil every single prejudice Vulcans had concerning Humans: emotionally uncontrolled, illogical and full of contradictions. Sarek had learned early in their cooperation that Patterson's at first sight amicable and pleasant air concealed a fierce sometimes even violent disposition. Even now, still short-tempered at the best of times, Commander Patterson tended to leave those not sharing his quick comprehension trailing helplessly behind. By the time they were finally able to catch up with him, the problem in question had usually long been solved – often in a rather unorthodox manner, but nevertheless efficiently. Sarek remembered Patterson's former superior often shaking his head in what the Vulcan had come to identify as fond exasperation. You may not especially like his methods, but you gotta love his results, he was told. Yet, as time passed, Sarek slowly arrived at the conclusion that the easily irascible man was ideally placed in his field of work. Though Patterson was quick to act, his decisions were never indiscriminate but instead as firmly based on an infallible intuition as Sarek's were grounded in logic.

What came as a surprise was that Charlie Patterson intercepted Sarek when the ambassador had entered HQ. As usual, the commander wasted no time on formalities. While leading the way, he updated the Vulcan on the current situation. Frowning, Sarek noticed they were not en route to Commander Patterson's office, but had left the building and were heading for Starfleet Medical.

"You remember, _I_ thought us lucky that those bastards were dumb enough to kidnap my deputy along with your folks?"

Sarek nodded, noticing the choice of words. From the very beginning the Vulcan had deemed it an unlikely coincidence that the kidnapers, well organised and meticulously prepared in virtually every respect, had failed to notice that one of the two Human women among their Vulcan hostages was the deputy of Starfleet Security.

"It seems you were correct." Sarek was sure that his face had betrayed nothing, but Charlie Patterson had proven over the years that he was an extraordinarily keen observer, perceiving and interpreting every nuance in his counterpart's expression.

"Bren returned to work at the end of last week, taking a double-shift over the weekend. Nothing out of the ordinary. But yesterday she started to act queerly. Becoming increasingly disorientated, murmuring to herself. Attacked me and put up a real fight before we could overwhelm her. The doc couldn't find anything wrong with her, at least till he performed a neurological scan. And that's why you're here."

They had reached Starfleet Medical. The security clearance took sometime, preventing Patterson from elaborating and saving Sarek from reacting to this odd statement. With growing unease the ambassador registered their destination – Neurology. For the rest of the trip both men were wrapped up in their thoughts.

Sarek studied the still form of Patterson's deputy. She was tall for a woman, with long brunette hair she kept usually plaited. Whether she was sleeping or unconsciousness, Sarek could not tell for sure, but suspected the latter.

"Commander Patterson!"

Sarek had been so engrossed in thought that he hadn't heard the Human doctor approach. He turned around, only to find Patterson engaged in an argument, which was quickly becoming more and more agitated.

Patterson's frustration had finally gotten the better of him. His otherwise jovial face was reddened in anger and even though he kept his voice low, his tone had become menacing. "You wanted a Vulcan and I went to fetch you one. And now you're telling me he's not the right one? He is Ambassador Sarek; I trust him explicitly. And I highly recommend you do the same. Up to now, your lot hasn't been of much use. Bren is still in a coma and, except from keeping her on some experimental drug, you haven't been able to do anything."

To give the physician credit, he held his ground, unimpressed. "Commander Patterson, I assure you, we are doing everything in our power. Lieutenant Jones is still in coma because we're keeping her in one. The medication she's receiving is still experimental, yes, but Lexorin slows down the degradation of her synaptic pathways. And hopefully, when we can get hold of a Vulcan _healer_, she can make a full recovery."

It took Sarek several seconds to overcome this immense shock. It simply could notbe The words wreaked havoc in his mind. Lexorin… degeneration of synaptic pathways… Healer…The evidence pointed in a distinct direction. And yet, it could not be, it must not be. Just when the commander was about to speak again, the Vulcan ambassador stepped forward. He held up a hand to silence Patterson and addressed the doctor. "I will send for one of our healers immediately, but permit me a question first. Do you suspect Lieutenant Jones was subjected to a mind meld, unwillingly?"

The doctor shrugged his shoulders. "If unwillingly or not, I cannot say, but I am certain about the cause of her condition. When I was an exchange student at the Vulcan Academy, I once witnessed a neurological scan yielding similar results than the one I carried out on Lieutenant Jones." He paused for a moment, lost in thought. When he spoke, he was clearly hesitant. "Ambassador Sarek, I realise that I am overstepping my bounds here, but I think it's safe to assume that this mind meld was performed when the lieutenant was held hostage. I also trust that none of your people would have performed it due to the obvious risks involved. Because of this, I would suggest that any of your hostages be immediately checked out by your healer."

The tall Vulcan nodded. "A sensible suggestion, but it is unnecessary. All our victims had been examined upon their return. And being Vulcans they would have recognised an attempt to meld, something Lieutenant Jones is not capable of."

Even as he spoke, a realization formed in Sarek's brain. All had been examined, except one. The fool that he was! He should have insisted that Amanda see a physician that very evening. The fear when he had tried to rouse her in his flitter; her panic the next morning when… She had not simply been afraid of being touched, she had been terrified that he would force her into a mind-meld.Sarek suddenly felt his knees giving away. At the edge of perception he realised that it was only Patterson's iron grip on his arm that prevented an ungracious fall.

"Sarek! Snap out of it this instant!"

This was clearly an indication of how much he had startled the Human. In spite of their long acquaintanceship, they usually referred to one another as Ambassador Sarek and Commander Patterson. Sarek regained his balance and gently freed his arm. "My apologies for my lack of control. Your concern is appreciated but unnecessary. I am well again. Our healer will arrive within the hour. If you will be so kind to excuse me now, I have urgent matters to attend to."


	5. Commander Patterson

As soon as the tall Vulcan was again steady on his feet, Patterson had released his arm and vacated the ambassador's personal space. His eyes however remained narrowed, never leaving Sarek's face. "Of course, Ambassador. I have no intention of delaying you further. I will escort you back."

Sarek felt the desperate need to be alone. The latest turn of events, unexpected as it was, had left him far more shaken than he wanted to admit. It required a substantial effort to maintain his calm and dignified exterior. The Vulcan was tempted to reject Patterson's offer of escort, but as usual Starfleet's Chief of Security was not to be swayed and shook his head, before Sarek even had begun to formulate a polite decline. "Don't you even try and argue with me, Sarek. Despite of what you say, I at least can tell you're not as well as you say. You will answer to me or I will arrange for our esteemed doc to check you out. Your choice." Charlie Patterson kept his voice so low that only Sarek's acute hearing picked up the words. His eyes widened at the Human's threat. The Vulcan had no doubt that Patterson would stand true to his words.

Not trusting his voice, Sarek inclined his head and let Patterson lead the way. The ambassador folded his arms in the sleeves of his robe in order to conceal his fiercely shaking hands. Walking had become difficult. One step after another, Sarek had to concentrate hard to coordinate his movements. This was ridiculous – he was a Vulcan! He ought to be able to master himself. He was dimly aware that someone was talking to him.

The Human snorted in irritation, when his questions went by unanswered. Sarek suspected what was coming when Patterson came to an abrupt halt and spun around, impatience radiating from him in waves. The diplomat prepared for one of Patterson's infamous outbursts. This time no exceptional power of observation was needed to notice Sarek's distress, but to his immense relief the commander refrained from commenting on the state Sarek was in and merely shook his head. In a trice he had ushered the tall Vulcan into a deserted room. "Good heavens, sit before you fall!" It was a sensible suggestion, considering Sarek was fighting to stand upright. He felt the Human reaching out for him and steeled himself for the onslaught of emotions connected with the contact, but it never came – Patterson' s touch on Sarek's elbow was barely perceptible, the only feeling that penetrated Sarek's shields was the Human's concern for him – a friend - when he steered the Vulcan towards a chair and sat him down. "Can I get you something – a glass of water?"

Sarek cleared his throat. "That would be welcome." He heard the Human leave. Alone at last. Sarek breathed a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes, concentrating on slowing his breath, prolonging each exhalation, reciting the mind's rules. Slowly Sarek regained mastery over his emotions. The trembling in his hands lessened, the Vulcan was once again able to think more rationally. First things first, as the Human saying went. Even before heading back to the embassy he would arrange for a healer to attend to Lieutenant Jones. Amanda Grayson was an entirely different matter. While the ambassador had no idea how to face her, how to confirm how much damage had been done, Sarek felt obliged to assist her in person. Simply sending her to a healer thus distancing himself would be short of denying their friendship.

When Patterson returned, he felt relieved to find the Vulcan ambassador considerably more composed. In all the years he had known Sarek of Vulcan, Charlie Patterson had never seen him anything other than being rational and restrained, a clinical analyst who effortlessly counterbalanced the commander's own impatience whenever necessary. Seeing him so profoundly unsettled had been frightening. Silently he handed over the glass and waited until Sarek had emptied it before addressing him. "I took the liberty of contacting Sehlur and asking him to send over a healer. He should arrive in a few minutes – if you require his services, I can arrange for him to meet us here."

Sarek shook his head. "I again have to apologise for my weakness, but I assure you that there is no need for worry. Everything is quite all right." As the Human's face hardened, Sarek was once again reminded that taking him for a fool was the best way to get on Patterson's wrong side.

"Very well, Ambassador. If you insist that everything is fine, than there is little I can do for you. But perhaps you would care to enlighten me, what this whole mind-meld thing is about. And I do remind you that Lieutenant Jones is a member of my staff. As such she is entitled to any protection and support I can offer. If you withhold any information..." He left the threat hanging in the air.

Sarek suppressed a sigh. He had not intended to rebuff the Human. He knew Patterson well and trusted him, even considered him a friend, but there was so much sensitive information involved, information that was usually not shared with off-worlders. On the other hand the circumstances hardly qualified as normal. "This is not my intention. Charles. I need you to understand that I may simply not be able to answer all your questions, but I will do so as far as I can. Please proceed."

Sarek's use of his given name left Patterson dumbfounded for a moment. He starred blankly at the tall Vulcan and then dropped in the chair next to him. Suddenly he seemed far older and much more exhausted that mere seconds before. "What the hell is happening here, Sarek? Will Bren be all right?"

So much raw emotion in the Human's voice. Sarek wondered briefly if the rumours about Patterson and his deputy were more than mere rumours, but that was none of his business. "Concerning the reasons for the mind-meld I can only speculate and I would prefer not to do so until we have spoken to Lieutenant Jones. Mind-melds always involve certain risks, forced ones doubly so. The resulting disorder is known as Pa'anar Syndrome. The medication Lieutenant Jones receives lead me to suspect that her condition is somewhat similar to Pa'anar Syndrome. Usually, its effects can be reserved by a corrective meld. So, to answer your question: yes, I shall think that Lieutenant Jones will recover."

Patterson visibly relaxed. A small smile appeared on his face. "First good news for ages, or so it seems." The Human studied the tall Vulcan sitting next to him closely. Even in the half-dark he noticed the telltale signs in Sarek's expression speaking of the Vulcan's tautness: fine lines were etched around his eyes, his lips formed a thin bloodless line and his whole posture was far more erect and rigid than usual. "Tell me, Sarek, what is it in this whole affair that affects you so deeply? You were pretty shaken earlier and still are."

Sarek contemplated the question. Apart from his fear for Amanda Grayson's well being, the very fact that someone had forced a mind-meld was abhorrent - the more so, because statistical probability dictated that the violator had at least been trained by Vulcan masters and was perhaps even of Vulcan descent. "There is no greater intimacy than the sharing of thoughts via a mind-meld. A forced meld is considered a terrible crime. The thought that a Vulcan could be responsible..." Sarek paused, his emotional control close to failing him again. He felt Patterson's fingertips brushing against the sleeves of his robes. The brief contact again transmitted the Human's sense of compassion. While he found the sensation oddly comforting and steadying, Sarek realised that his shields must be immensely weakened. Normally, he would have received a vague impression of the Human's aura, nothing more. Wearily, he moved to stand. "I let myself be longer delayed than perhaps was wise. I would suggest you now hurry to meet our healer. As you are familiar with Lieutenant Jones, your presence could be helpful. My best wishes to both of you. Live long and prosper."

Patterson mimicked the Vulcan salute or at least tried to. He gave up after two failed attempts. A warm smile softened his tired features. "Yeah, the same to you. Give Dr. Grayson my regards. I hope she'll be well soon." Judging by Patterson's obviously heart-felt laughter, Sarek's expression must have been priceless. "You know, people do pay me for noticing things." He became austere once more, his steel-grey eyes intercepting Sarek's gaze. "I was there on that evening and I saw you holding her. And as you said yourself: all hostages would have recognised an attempt to meld. All but two: Bren and Dr. Grayson. And then you freaked out."

Charlie Patterson never ceased to surprise him. He bowed to the Human. "Logical. Though I must insist that Vulcans do not freak out."

"You most definitely did. But never mind, Sarek, I won't tell anyone. And now off you go – we both have someone to look after."


	6. Back at the embassy

Disclaimer: The usual - still not mine :(

AN: Sorry this took so long. Still one or two chapters to go. Some parts of this chapter have been betaed by Selek:THANKS A LOT! Some parts have been rewritten since then... And as I am no native speaker and can't bother Selek constantly, there may be some faults. Please be gentle, but feel free to tell me where I went wrong. Hopefully the conclusion will not take too long.

Thank you for all your kind reviews.

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The short trip back presented Sarek with a much needed opportunity to collect himself. The first person he came across as soon as he had set foot in the embassy was Sehlur. He approached Sarek casually as he always did, giving the impression of just having wandered by and intending to discuss random matters. Sarek knew better, but was thankful that Sehlur detained from creating a fuss at Patterson's request for a Vulcan healer at Starfleet medical. "Ambassador, I trust you are well? Commander Patterson intimated that it was not for you the healer was required."

Sarek merely nodded, his thoughts already occupied by the upcoming conversation with Amanda. "Sehlur, you will cancel all my appointments for today. I will not be available for the next several hours. This does not include urgent requests made by Commander Patterson or Healer..." Sarek broke off, realising that he had no idea whom Sehlur had send to Starfleet Medical.

"Healer Sorkas," Sehlur continued Sarek's sentence nonchalantly. Apart from raising both eyebrows, he refrained from commenting on his superior's instructions.

"An excellent choice, Sehlur." Sarek marvelled at his aide's foresight and silently thanked Patterson's presence of mind for clarifying that Sarek was not concerned. Sorkas might be the youngest of their healers, but with being born and raised off-world he was most adapt at dealing with Humans.

Sehlur inclined his head. "Thank you, Ambassador. I must ask to be excused – there is a lot to do."

Sarek watched him leave and then turned around, heading for the linguistic department. As he had suspected he found Amanda Grayson in her office, perched behind her table. Pausing in the doorway, Sarek studied her for a moment. Now he seriously wondered how he managed to overlook her appearance. She had lost a serious amount of weight during the last week, the dark circles under around her eyes indicated that she slept far less than she should. Sarek cleared his throat to make himself heard. Somehow he was not surprised when the young woman flinched and all but jumped to her feet, a hand flying to her chest. "Good gracious, Sarek! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Of course not. I know better than to deprive myself of my chief linguist." The ghost of a smile flickered across her face, but her expression remained guarded and reserved as she invited him in. Sarek entered her office, closing the door behind him. Still unsure about how to proceed, he impulsively ventured on a forthright approach. "Amanda, there is some-thing we need to discuss."

Amanda seemed to sense the change in his demeanour, for she visibly tensed and stepped behind her armchair, obviously feeling the need to create some kind of physical barrier between them. Her grip on her chair was so tight that the knuckles of her fingers became white.

Realising his mistake, the tall Vulcan sadly regarded her. Ever since he had left Patterson Sarek had speculated on the course of his conversation with Amanda. He had expected her to fiercely deny that anything was wrong, to ward him off by resorting to playful mockery of his concern or even to break down in tears. The very thought that Amanda Grayson could be afraid of him simply had not crossed his mind. Tentatively, Sarek took a step towards her, then a second and a third. When he had reached the chair in front of her desk, he gestured for Amanda to sit down in her armchair and eased himself slowly onto a second chair, after removing a pile of books. After a moment's hesitation Amanda complied. Sarek released a sharp breath. "Amanda?"

"Sarek, if it's about this morning – I'm sorry for being late and then falling asleep. It won't happen again. I just slept rather poorly this night." Her voice shook. Tears were welling in her eyes. For a short moment she fought to keep her composure, but it was a lost battle. When Amanda dropped her head in her hands, the tall Vulcan could tell by the shaking of her shoulders she was crying silently.

Sighing Sarek got up and went around her desk. He crouched beside her and seized the armrest of her chair, dragging it towards him. "This is most certainly not about you being late this morning, though it is about you not sleeping enough – or not eating in fact. Amanda, I do believe I have a good idea of what has been done to you." Then he waited her out, not altering his position but careful not to touch her. Although he had been able to meditate shortly on his way back from Starfleet Headquarters, Sarek did not fully trust his shielding. And the last thing he wanted was to scare her even more by unintentionally touching her thoughts.

When she finally raised her head, her blue eyes were full of doubt. Hastily she wiped away the remaining tears. "How can you, when I myself have no idea?" She pinched the bridge of her nose and squinted her eyes as if fighting a headache. "There are voices in my head, Sarek, questioning me. They will never stop. It feels like I'm losing my mind."

The tall Vulcan nodded gravely. He had expected as much. "Yes, it would. Amanda, you know that my species is capable of initiating a link between two minds?" At her nod he elaborated further. "I just returned from a meeting with Commander Patterson. We have reason to suspect, that during the kidnapping you and his deputy were subjected to a mind-meld. Do you remember anyone touching your face?"

Amanda paled visibly. Lost in thought she raised her hand to her face. "He pinned me down and then pressed his fingers on my face. There was so much pain – I tried to get away, but he wouldn't let me."

Tears were running down her face unchecked. Her gaze lost its focus. As her breath quickened and a thin sheen of sweat formed on her forehead, Sarek realised that she had gone back there. Carefully he laid his hand on her forearm and gave it slight shake. "Amanda, you must not dwell on these thoughts." Concerned he realised that the young woman was well beyond his reach. He could feel her panic and pain leaking through his shields. Deciding to take the risk he lowered his shielding marginally and concentrated on projecting calmness, trying to anchor her. Nothing else mattered but the young woman in front of him. Gradually he felt her panic lessen, the trembling beneath his fingers ebbing away. Later he could not say for certain how long they stayed like this. The contact had left him thoroughly drained. Sarek lowered his hand and stood up slowly, his eyes never leaving Amanda's face.

Amanda slumped back in her chair. Smiling shakily she met Sarek's inquiring gaze. "It seems I'm in your debt again, Sarek. I'm not sure what you did, but it helped a great deal." Wearily she moved to stand. Overcome by a spell of dizziness she had to steady herself on the edge of her desk. Black spots were dancing in front of her eyes. A moment later she felt Sarek taking hold of her arm and instinctively leaned towards his solid presence, forcing the tall Vulcan to support most of her weight. His other arm went around her waist, drawing her closer still. The heat of his body permeated his robes, Amanda welcomed the warmth for she felt worn out and chilled to the bone.

"I would highly appreciate it, if you refrained from passing out."

Even in her numbness she detected the concern in his voice, veiled by his dry humour as usual. Compliantly she moved with the tall Vulcan when he led her to the chair and eased her down. "I'm sorry, Sarek. I stood up too quickly. But I'm okay now. And I'd better be off for home and try to get some sleep." His hands on her shoulders were keeping her firmly in place when she tried to stand up. Under other circumstances she would have forcibly demanded that he let her go, but just now she was simply too fatigued.

"I strongly advice against it. Amanda, a forced mind-meld is not be trifled with. The longer the after effects remain uncorrected, the more difficult it will be to reverse them."

Amanda sighed and leaned back in her chair. She was fighting to keep her eyes open. Stifling a yawn she frowned at Sarek. "Fine, whatever you say. But you'd better be quick about it or I may simply sleep through it."

Sarek suspected she was right. He hoped that her exhaustion would make her a bit more amenable to his proposition, but having seen and experienced her sheer panic when being reminded of the incident Sarek dared not wager his chances. Clearing his throat he started to explain.

Before he was even half way through, Amanda sat up, shaking of his hands, jumping to her feet. "No! Simply no! I don't want anyone in my head again. Come off it, Sarek!"

A small part of him was relieved that Amanda still had the spirit to flare up like this, but the Vulcan was aware that he had to insist. Unfortunately he was not able to get a word in edgewise, since Amanda took a furious step towards him. "I said no, Sarek! You cannot make me."

Sarek considered his options. It was true - he could not make her, and insisting on a matter in any negotiation with Amanda usually resulted in a deadlock. The diplomat decided on an entirely different approach. "No, I cannot force you, but I can beg you to reconsider. I assure that only a brief contact is necessary and nothing personal will be touched, but the damage will have to be removed." It was a good sign that the linguist did not decline straight away, but she was not meeting Sarek's eyes either.

Her gaze remained fixed on the tips of her feet, when she finally spoke. "It's simply an experience I don't want to repeat." Whatever Sarek had been about to answer was interrupted by a knock on the door. Sighing Amanda took a step backwards, creating a more professional distance between the Vulcan ambassador and herself. "Yes, come in."

It was Healer Sorkas who had obliviously just returned from Starfleet Medical, if his outward demeanour was any judge to go by. He bowed briefly. "Ambassador, Dr. Grayson. I beg your pardon for interrupting, but Sehlur indicated you may be found here. And judging from the state Lt. Jones was in, I thought it wise to offer my services as soon as possible." His proposal was met with silence on Amanda's side. Puzzled the young healer studied her for a moment. Just when Sarek was about to mediate, Sorkas addressed Amanda directly. His carefully chosen words reminded Sarek of why he had complimented Sehlur for assigning Sorkas to the task. "Dr. Grayson, I understand why you are hesitant in allowing a mind-meld, but as Ambassador Sarek will have explained to you, there is simply no alternative."

Amanda still refused to look up and shook her head. "I'm sorry for being difficult. But it hurt so much the last time." Unconsciously she raised both hands to her temples. "And it still does. If you try to fix it and fail…" She trailed off.

Sorkas regarded her intently for a moment, then he took out his medical tricorder, adjusting it to Human bio signs. He scanned the young linguist. He raised both eyebrows when analysing the data he received. "You are exhausted and seriously malnourished. Am I correct in assuming that you have neither been able to sleep nor to keep anything down?"

Amanda merely nodded. She felt too drained to resume the conservation let alone to stand any longer. Numbly she staggered backwards, originally intending to sit down in her chair. But instead she collided with Sarek who had taken two steps forward and caught her effortlessly. But this time Sarek made no move to help her sit down, but simply let her rest against him. Not caring that they were not alone, Amanda closed her eyes and drew a few deep breaths. Again she felt safe and secure in his arms. His presence silenced the voices in her head and eased some of the racking pain that had become her constant companion. Somewhere in front of her Sorkas spoke.

"Perhaps it is wise to postpone the meld for a few hours. To avert further damage I recommend a dose of Lexorin. But I must insist that it will offer you only a temporary relief, thus allowing you to get some sleep. It should also alleviate the nausea you are prone to experience right now." He reached for his injector and prepared it with a dose of Lexorin. "The medication will probably add you to your dizziness for a moment. Ambassador, if you do not mind…"

"Not the least, continue."

As the Healer injected the drug, Sarek tightened his arms around her, pulling her even nearer and supporting her weight completely. After a few moments, Amanda could tell the difference. The pain receded furthermore and she no longer felt sick. But in exchange her perception deafened. She was only dimly aware that Sarek was still holding her. For the first time in many days she felt calm and serene. Amanda closed her eyes. The idea of going to sleep there and then seemed tempting. Suddenly there was another injector against her neck. It was emptied and than the world regained structure rather abruptly.

Sorkas regarded her, plainly amused by her confusion. "Some vitamins along with nutrients and caffeine", he explained. " You should feel better by now. However, I suggest that you eat a decent meal and take some rest."

Amanda nodded again. Now, with most of her previous distress gone, she acknowledged it would be time to move away from Sarek. But somehow she could not bring herself to abandon the comfort his touch provided. And the tall Vulcan moved not a muscle to break the contact, undisturbed by Sorkas' questioning gaze.

"Dr. Grayson, I understand that you and Ambassador Sarek seem to share a certain attachment. And while it is surely not my place to comment on it, I may perhaps offer a solution to your dilemma," He paused for a moment, evidently surprised at himself. Then perhaps deciding that the damage was already done he continued post haste. "A corrective meld as required in your case needs not to be preformed by a Healer. The contact with a thoroughly trained melder is nearly always sufficient. Ambassador Sarek is quite accomplished in this field. And often enough a personal background makes the meld more agreeable."

Amanda was unsure of how to react. She still did not like the prospect of tolerating another mind-meld. But now that she was capable of thinking a bit more rationally and overcome the sheer panic that had dominated her earlier she admitted the necessity. And while there was no doubt, that she trusted Sarek blindly, she had no intention of pressing him. She knew, if she asked Sarek would never refuse her. But what would happen to their friendship, could they handle this intimacy? Sighing Amanda realised that she was simply too tired to decide on her course of action. There was some hope that after a decent meal and a few hours of sleep it would turn out easier to accept Sorkas' offer – or to confine Sarek in. But to her utter surprise behind her Sarek nodded. Her first thought was that she had imagined the movement she could not see only feel against her back, but then Sarek addressed the younger Vulcan.

"A reasonable suggestion. We will discuss it after Dr. Grayson has sufficiently rested. You may go now, Sorkas."

Again the younger Vulcan bowed and left Amanda's office. Reluctantly the young woman moved away from Sarek and found that it was with some hesitance that he let go of her – no doubt wishing to ensure she now was capable of standing unaided. She turned around and eyed the tall Vulcan sceptically. "You need not, Sarek. I guess I stop behaving so ridiculously after a short nap. And then there is no reason why Sorkas shouldn't conduct the meld." When she saw the apprehension in his eyes she winced. "Sorry, that came out wrong. It's not like I don't trust you, Sarek. But I don't want to overtax our friendship. You've done so much to help me and there is so little I can offer in return."

Sarek shook his head. "First of all, Amanda, you are not being ridiculously. You may not yet fully acknowledge it, but you have been put through a very traumatic experience. Among my people a forced mind-meld is considered the most terrible crime a Vulcan can commit." He fell silent for a moment, pondering his next words. As a diplomat he was well used to finding the appropriate words in almost any situation but as a Vulcan he hesitated to voice out loud what already seemed obvious – at least to Patterson and Sorkas: that he considered Amanda Grayson a friend even more than a friend - t'hy'la. Usually he tended to rely on Amanda's ability to read him, but this time it was essential that she did understand. "You must not concern yourself with repaying me for a service I am honoured to offer to trusted friend."


	7. Unexpected

Disclaimer: Still not mine ;-) Though I feel, that Sehlur and Sorkas belong to me. And Charlie Patterson of course.

AN: Again sorry for the delay. It took me some time to get here. The next chapter is already in progress.

Thank you for your kind reviews and support by bookmarking my story. It always makes my day.

LLAP!

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After this statement it seemed easier to accept Sarek's help. Still not entirely well Amanda simply let take Sarek the lead. Numbly she had followed him through the embassy into his private quarters. Amanda was absurdly thankful that they had met no one on their way. Having Healer Soraks commenting on their relationship was one thing, but having the entire embassy staff gossip about the Chief linguist joining the Ambassador in his quarters would be quite different. Sarek however seemed not to share her worries since he ordered food for two persons from the kitchen. From where she was sitting on a large and surprisingly comfortable leather couch, Amanda heart him speaking via intercom. She even vaguely remembered answering his question whether she had any specific wishes, but most of the time she zoomed in and out focus. She felt strangely disconnected. During the last week she had hardly slept, but the sharp pain in her head had helped her to maintain some semblance of alertness. Now that she felt remotely human, all she wanted to do was sleep. But each time she closed her eyes the memory of the nightmares plagued her again.

Sarek regarded the young woman in front of him with a clearly bemused impression. He had soon given up on engaging her in a conversation. The last somewhat coherent answer she had given him was that she would not eat this green broth he was trying to coax her into taking. Sighing Sarek had decided on sandwiches and tomato soup. As far as he could tell Amanda was fighting to stay awake. Every time she dozed off she jerked awake a moment later, sometimes smiling at him. But more often than not she would clench her fists and shake her head as if trying to clear it. When the sound of the chime announced the arrival of their food, Sarek rose to answer the door and accepted the tray. Amanda absentmindedly nibbled on an sandwich and ate reluctantly a few spoons of soup, but soon enough her gaze lost its focus. She had withdrawn from the world, did not even flinch when Sarek silently took the remains of the sandwich out of her hand and put them back on the tray.

"Amanda?" Sarek sat down next to her and briefly touched her shoulder. "I suggest you lie down for a moment."

Puzzled Amanda met his gaze. For a few seconds she contemplated his proposal, then she shook her head. Sarek noticed the way she had tensed under his touch. Suddenly she seemed far more alert and coherent than mere seconds before as if the very thought of going to sleep was frightening her. "I'd rather not, Sarek." Wearily she rubbed her face. "Every time I close my eyes, he is there. It is happening all over: the pain, the voices that are questioning me. I really tried to push him out, Sarek. But the harder I tried the more demanding he became. And I still can feel him. He is with me every moment, following me like a shadow, just lurking out of sight." It was the first time she had actually spoken of the incident. Not one of her brightest ideas she thought. Amanda closed her eyes. Her headache returned with full force and the nausea threatened to overwhelm her. She desperately struggled to keep her breath even. The young woman was well aware that she was rapidly gliding over a downward spiral towards another panic attack. Desperately she tried to get a grip on herself. _For starters, get your breathing back under control_, she chided herself, abruptly realising she was dangerously close to hyperventilating. Then she felt Sarek's hands close around hers. His grip was firm, the hot dryness of his skin comforting. The same sensation like before drowned her fear: calmness flowed into her consciousness. Amanda was not entirely sure where it was originated from. When she concentrated hard she felt another presence which stayed just beyond her reach, warding off the demons, but never threatening to violate her. Slowly the young woman regained some control over the roller coaster of her emotions. She sighed resignedly and turned to Sarek. "Will it stay like this?"

The tall Vulcan calmly shook his head. "No. The link was established with great force against your will and then brutally ripped apart. You may compare the corrective meld with a surgical dressing of a wound. The act itself will of course leave an imprint to your memory. But once the gap is properly sealed, the emotions associated with the violation will start to fade."

"Then I guess there isn't much sense in waiting any longer, is it?" Amanda look down on their still joint hands. The empathic sensation had dimmed a bit, but it was still there - it always was whenever Sarek was touching her. The exact nature of this connection lay beyond her comprehension. Her most educated guess was that the Vulcan used some of his telepathic talents to reach past her fear. It felt so very different from the _other thing_ and yet she was afraid. Afraid of once again being subdued to another will, afraid losing once again all control over her thoughts and feelings. But this was Sarek, she reminded herself forcefully, he would never hurt her. She met Sarek's questioning gaze. "Okay, go ahead than. What must I do?"

"Actually, it will be easier if you concentrate on staying as passive and calm as possible. The sensation will take some time to get used to. It may be uncomfortable at first, but I will neither harm you nor I will I maintain the link against your will."

Sarek detached one of his hands from around her hands and moved to touch the melting points in her face. He heard her sharp intake of breath and saw her flinch backwards in an instinctive reaction of fear. He had expected much that and had - in the hope of projecting calmness - maintained his one-handed grip around her hands. What literally struck him unexpected was the harsh agonizing pain that seared red-hot through his pathways, before he even touched the melting points. It took all of his self-control not to recoil and sever the connection right away. He had not expected their physical contact to convey an genuine mental link. Yet, he now felt not only Amanda's anguish but also her concern that she might have hurt him.

"You did not." Sarek could not say for certain if he had spoken aloud. The impressions assaulting him were chaotic. The link lacked the clarity of a proper established meld and was clouded by the memory of the terrible incident. So much pain and fear mixed with nearly nauseating revulsion. Even as the Vulcan instinctively strove for mastery over the foreign emotions in his mind, he felt Amanda extricating her hands. With the physical contact broken the telepathic link started to fade away. The last coherent impression was Amanda's sense of deep regret at the chaos she had forced upon him. Then he was alone, the sudden silence in his mind was almost deafening. The tall Vulcan literally shook from the intense experience as well as from the realisation that he had miscalculated badly and had done more harm than good.

"I'm sorry, Sarek." Amanda's voice barely lasted above a faint whisper. She still sat next to him. Her hand's were pressed to her temples, she was rocking back and forth. Tears were running down her face, now paler than ever. Whatever else she was trying to say was unintelligible under the sobs. She longed for the comfort Sarek's touch usually provided and was at the same time afraid of it. During the short mental contact she had not felt the annihilating pain she had experienced under the forced meld. At first she had been only capable of feeling Sarek's gentle compassion and his concern for her well being. There had been a word on the surface of his consciousness, a word she had never encountered before in all her studies of ancient texts: t'hy'la. Numbly she intented to ask him about its meaning, if the whole affair was over. _Should he ever speak to you again_, she thought bitterly.

Then the link had abruptly gained a new quality and had simultaneously worked in both directions. She had not only felt her own distress at the remembrance but also his reaction and the pain she had caused him by projecting her feelings. Never before she had taken in account that the seemingly stoic and unshakable Vulcan could be afraid of something. But he had been more afraid than ever before in his life. Somehow his horror had been the very thing that enabled her to free her hands. No one should feel this way. Least of all a friend she valued as high as Sarek. She desperately wished she could stop crying. But she had lost any semblance of self control. Never before - not even during the direct aftermath of the forced meld - she had felt so bad. Suddenly there was a light hand on her back. At first Amanda stiffened at the unexpected contact, then she relaxed and let Sarek's warm compassion wash over her. As she leant her head against his shoulder, a firm arm wrapped itself around her shoulder, the other encircled her waist.

For a long moment the Vulcan had sat motionless next to Amanda, unsure how to react. He knew from experience that the young woman drew comfort from his touch. Even when he erected his strongest shield's he never succeeded in completely excluding her. Her feelings always formed a kind off background whisper in his mind. His first impulse had been to reach out to Amanda, soothing her with the physical contact as well as with the empathic sensation he would create on such occasions. But Sarek feared he would scare Amanda even more, that she could not tolerate his touch. He felt he had betrayed her trust.

Part of his success as a negotiator resulted from his ability as well as from his willingness to relate to his counterpart's feelings. Sarek had transformed the delicate act of telepathically sensing the atmosphere during a meeting into an high art. It was something most of his fellow Vulcans strictly declined to do, partly because they found the tumultuary impressions unsettling. Sarek however had always prided himself in facing the chaos recklessly. And yet, his initial reaction had been to shy away from the intense emotions which had swept over him like a wave, instead of absorbing and placating them.

When he realised that Amanda had completely lost reign over her emotions and was reeling under the doubled impact of not only reliving the violation, but of also being subdued to the telepathic back coupling, Sarek tentatively placed a supporting hand on her back. At first she tensed under his touch. But when she finally rested her head against his shoulder, Sarek enveloped her in a tight embrace. He could feel her relax and cherish the solace he offered. Sarek was not sure if he was giving comfort or receiving it, for he found the physical nearness steadying and reassuring.

It took a few minutes before the diplomat trusted his voice enough to attempt and speak. "It is I who must apologize, Amanda. It was a stupid and dangerous thing to do."


	8. Sarek

Disclaimer: The usual - the last time I looked they didn't belong me *** scoots off to check again - nah, not a change :(

Here it goes again. Sorry, folks, it took so long. But Sarek refused to cooperate. I just returned from the yearly scientist meeting - cool, very cool! - and while I was waiting for my connecting flight it clicked. I hope it works for you. If not, please let me known. The next chapter is in progress.

* * *

Amanda closed her eyes and tried to block out the impressions that had unsettled her so profoundly. Instinctively she adjusted her position so that her head rested on Sarek's chest. The steady drum of his heartbeat against her ear combined with the heat of his body lulled her in a sense of security. Slowly she regained control over her emotions.

"What happened?" It was the first thought that crossed her mind. Sarek declined to answer, instead his arms tightened around her involuntary, the rhythm of his heart beat quickened. Alarmed she registered the faint tremor that ran through his body. Frowning Amanda sat up and untangled herself from his embrace. "Sarek, are you alright?" But the tall Vulcan kept his eyes downcast, refusing to meet her gaze even when she cautiously touched his forearm. "Sarek, for heaven's sake, talk to me!" Detached Amanda noticed the high almost hysterical pitch of her voice. She fought the sudden impulse to literally shake the Vulcan up. Instead she took one of his hands in hers running her thumbs over its back. _This whole undertaking had been sheer madness_, Amanda thought. She had been so self-absorbed and so miserable that she had underestimated the toll a mind-meld would take on her friend. "What's wrong? Are you in pain?"

To her immense relieve Sarek shook his head in the negative. She watched as the Vulcan swallowed repeatedly as if fighting the urge to be sick. For the fraction of a second she caught a fleeting glimpse of Sarek's eyes when he finally did look up. Startled she noticed her own agony mirrored in their black depths. The moment passed so quickly that Amanda was not sure what exactly she had seen. Sarek moved his lips wordlessly. Then he closed his eyes and drew a shuddering breath. When he reopened his eyes the formal mask of the staid Vulcan ambassador was firmly in place. Gently but determined he freed his hands and sat back. "I ask thee for thy forgiveness. I failed in my task."

Perplexed and bereft of speech Amanda could only stare at Sarek as he wearily rose and moved over to the intercom. She gathered from the brief exchange that Sarek had deemed it necessary to summon Sorkas. After switching off the intercom Sarek resumed his seat at her side. But his eyes remained fixed on his knees, his face impassive and his shoulders squared. Anxiously Amanda waited for him to speak. Never before had Sarek withdrawn so completely from her. Usually she had a certain knack for deciphering Sarek's meaning - even when he "got Vulcan on her" as she once had put it. "Healer Sorkas, is on his way. He will be able to take care of you." Amanda winced at the sound of his flat emotionless tone. This was far worse than she had initially feared. When Sarek first had held her, Amanda had cherished the hope that they would walk away from this ghostly experience relatively unscarred and with their friendship mostly intact.

"Sarek, you are shutting me out. Whatever you do and however mad you may be at me, don't do _this_ to me." Sarek gave no indication of having heard her. Tentatively Amanda extended a hand. This time Sarek did acknowledge her. Before she had even touched him, the tall Vulcan leaped to his feet and took an additional step away from her, his eyes wide and frightened.

"You must not touch me. I promised I would not harm you. And yet it was my arrogance that caused this disaster. I hurt you. The meld should have eased your pain. But instead I as good as raped you. You must not touch me for your own sake. It will happen again."

_Control yourself._ Sarek berated himself. His whole world had lost its focus and stability. He had firmly believed in his ability to conduct the meld. He had trusted himself to handle the onslaught of emotions. But never before he had felt such pain and life-threatening fright. When he had held the young woman he so cherished in his arms he had experienced a sense of peace as if the physical contact alone was enough to quell his own terror. A still functional part of his conciousness had warned him that this resulted from the same kind of telepathic back coupling. But Sarek had to admit that was so devastated that for some time he was utterly content to leave the moment be and indulge in sharing Amanda's contentment.

He had intended to answer her question truthfully, hoping she could forgive his error in judgement. Even as the Vulcan searched for the appropriate words the enormity of their situation occurred to him. When Amanda had disentangled herself from the embrace Sarek had lost the only anchor he had. Alone with his thoughts the shared memory of the forced meld had replayed in his head again and again. He had desperately struggled for mastery over his emotions. He had heard Amanda's inquiry whether he was all right but for the first time in years the Vulcan ambassador had been literally unable to speak.

With the young linguist taking his hands Sarek had been able to use the empathic sensation as a lever. For a short instance he had permitted the contact, drawing the strength he needed from it. When had felt he could speak without being sick he had gently ended the connection. His Vulcan mastery over his feelings had even dominated the deep the regret that he would never again allow the nearness he had grown accustomed to. But the pain he had inflicted was certainly reason enough. His judgement and his control must not ever be compromised again. He would rather be content with a shadow of their friendship than to endanger Amanda's well being again.

"_I ask thee for thy forgiveness. I failed in my task."_

Later he could not remember what had been said between himself and Healer Sorkas. The exchange had been brief. The only lasting impression was Sorkas' intense insistence that they _both__ - Dr. Grayson and the Ambassador himself - remained exactly where they were right now. _

Taking to the role he filled so well – that of the Vulcan ambassador – Sarek returned to his seat.

"_Healer Sorkas, is on his way. He will be able to take care of you." _

"_Sarek, you are shutting me out. Whatever you do and however mad you may be at me, don't do _this_ to me." _

He perceived the desperate plea in her words. The anguish of not be capable of reacting came unbidden into focus. But under all circumstances he was to keep his distance. At least until Healer Sorkas had seen to the damage he had caused. When Amanda extended a hand to touch him, Sarek was amazed in spite of himself. He exactly knew in how much pain and discomfort she was. And yet she had the compassion to reach out to him. And although each physical contact exposed her to the danger of another telepathic contact Amanda still bared to touch him. But he would not allow her to take that risk.

"_You must not touch me. I promised I would not harm you. And yet it was my arrogance that caused this disaster. I hurt you. The meld should have eased your pain. But instead I as good as raped you. You must not touch me for your own sake. It will happen again." _The words tumbled out before Sarek had consciously thought them over. As hard as the Vulcan tried to get a grip on himself it was in vain. Only once before Sarek had experienced pon farr. The sheer madness that had ruled him then was comparable with his current state.

Amanda shook her head, her eyes never leaving Sarek's face. While his earlier withdrawn behaviour had been unnerving, this wide chasm in his self-control was nothing short of terrifying. The young woman tried to calculate the risk of touching her Vulcan friend. Sarek had backed away from her so far that he had nearly walked into the small coffee table that stood by the couch. What concerned Amanda most was that Sarek trembled so badly that he could barely support himself. Slowly the young linguist stood up and took a cautious step towards Sarek. The Vulcan squinted his eyes shut and shook his head.

"Sarek, you must calm down. There is no reason to fear for my safety. It's okay. I know that you will never hurt me." Where the hell was Sorkas when she needed him?

The sound of the doors sliding open answered her unspoken plea. The young healer took in the scene enfolding in front of him. With three steps he crossed the room. And then things happened simultaneously. Amanda was not sure if she had touched Sarek first or if his knees had given away under him and he had simply swayed towards her. But suddenly Sarek crumbled. It was only between Sorkas with the fast reflexes of a Healer and herself that they managed to guide Sarek into a sitting position on the edge of the table.

While supporting his superior's trembling form, Sorkas closely eyed the young woman, trying to determine his priority. Before Sorkas had entered the ambassador's rooms his primary worry had been Amanda Grayson. Over the audio link the usually unshakable Vulcan ambassador had sounded strained. But nevertheless his instructions had been explicit: Sorkas was to immediately come to Sarek's rooms and to attend to Dr. Grayson as Sarek himself had been incapable of conducting the required meld. The very fact that Sarek had failed was disturbing in itself. Sorkas might be one of the youngest members in the diplomatic staff but even the relatively short time he had spent here had been long enough for Sorkas to realise one thing: whatever deed Ambassador Sarek intended to accomplish he would accomplish by sheer force of will if necessary.

Frankly, Sorkas dreaded the condition he might find the young woman in and doubted the wisdom of his earlier suggestion of Sarek guiding the meld. It had seemed logical that time given the closeness the two of them seemed to share. Sorkas had heard rumours about a relationship between the chief linguist and the unapproachable Vulcan, but had not quiet believed them. The ambassador usually was reserved and distanced even when among his own people.

Focusing on the problem at hand, Sorkas decided to at least make sure that he would not find himself with two patients at one time. Over Sarek's had he quickly exchanged a look with Amanda Grayson.

"Do you require immediate assistance?"

Amanda Grayson was pale and obviously – what was the Human word? – shaken. But determination radiated from her when she shook her head. Despite the tears glinting in her eyes her voice was steady.

"He would not tell me what is wrong. He held my hand and was about to touch my face. Then I suddenly could sense him. Everything came back. I was so afraid and the very memory hurt. And I know that Sarek felt it too. I could not bare him enduring my pain and somehow broke the meld. Have I hurt him?" Amanda bit her lip to prevent the tears from falling

Finally, some things were beginning to make sense. The young healer shook his head. "I do not think so. From what you have told me I gather that the moment Ambassador Sarek lowered his mental shields to initiate the meld, the physical contact conveyed the link earlier and probably more intense than he had expected. It must have quite uncomfortable for both of you."

Amanda gave a bitter laugh. "That'd be the understatement of the decade."


End file.
